she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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