I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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