your parents love me but you hate me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
