My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
