Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
