I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
