Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
