The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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