my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
