Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
