you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Randomize