somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
