I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
