I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
