so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
