And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
