He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
