I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
