I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
