My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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