you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
