Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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