just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
