remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
