and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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