i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
