Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
