We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
