I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
