K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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