If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We're too hungover to prance.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize