may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
