Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
