How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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