Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
