Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
