literally had 100 drinks last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize