What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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