remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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