When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
