her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
