You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize