they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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