tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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