those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
People in love make me want to vomit
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
