The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
