They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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