I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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