there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
