just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
