I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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