I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
