I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
