I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
