An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
