they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
