God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
handjob tips. give me some.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
