You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
