chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
