Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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