either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
