Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize