Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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