Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
