Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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