I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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