I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
