Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
