I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
