if i died would you start the facebook group?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
