I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
