He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
