girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
