just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
