Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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