Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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