Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
