the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize