I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize