I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
