Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
