Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
