There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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