ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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