I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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