I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
