On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
