I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Even my vagina gasped.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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