Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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