Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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