Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize