so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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