I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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