Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
