Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
