He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
