she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize