he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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