I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
is that a dick in a sweater?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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