I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
