No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
