I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
