it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
