I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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