Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is Oprah even human
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
