i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
