I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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