Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
