I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
