defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
